Diana: Her True Story - In Her Own Words by Andrew Morton

  Probably Andrew Morton's most recognized work, Diana: Her True Story about the Princess of Wales was revolutionary on several levels. First of all, reporters didn't speak to members of the royal family. If they did, they spoke about their humanitarian or charitable accomplishments and was carefully scrutinized and many permissions would need to be given by several offices in Buckingham and Kensington Palace, as well as officials from both houses being present during the interview. This didn't happen for this book, the only permission that was given was Diana's, to speak to schoolfriends, Diana's family members, and her staff. 
    It all started innocently enough, there were always rumors about Diana being unhappy. She was crying in public. Charles and Diana were visibly distant in public. Prince Charles was known to spend weeks and months away from Kensington where Diana mostly was raising the young princes William and Harry. There were rumors of her being emotionally unstable. When Diana started her public speaking career after Prince Harry was born, she used an old family friend,James Colhurst, who was a radiologist at St. Thomas's Hospital and made a formal visit to the hospital. Of course, wherever the princess went, the press was there as well. Andrew Morton was there to represent The Star and Diana introduced  James and Andrew and they became friends.  Mr. Colhurst actually helped Mr. Morton with a very pleasurable book of mostly pictures of Diana called Diana's Diary in 1990.  The princess relayed to Andrew that she liked the book very much and asked him if he would like an actual interview. Of course, the answer was 'yes'. Such a very rare opportunity ever falls into a British reporter's lap! 
    Mr. Morton couldn't very well be seen talking to the princess inside Kensington Palace because everyone knew Andrew Morton as a royal reporter. So James Colhurst, a friend of Diana's whose presence wouldn't be questioned, had to be used with a tape recorder. And he would come into her wing of Kensington Palace and the door would be closed and locked. That's how the tappings happened.  Mr. Colhurst then would give the tapes to Mr. Morton and he would transcribe them, using Diana's friends and family as confirmation of her stories. The problem came when it came time to confirm the story about Camilla. If Diana can't confirm it, it would be unable to be used in the book.  When Diana was told this news, she was furious. So much of her unhappiness from being a royal princess with a story, Diana believed Camilla was largely responsible for it. She actually went home, rifled thru Charles briefcase and found a large stash of letters Camilla had written to Charles and gave them to Andrew Morton. But the letters hardly proved a sexual affair, but it clearly suggested a romantic relationship.  So the term 'secret friendship' had to be used.  
     Diana viewed this book as an opportunity to speak her mind and letting the public decide for themselves what to believe.  "Let them be my judge" was Diana's eventual response.  She wanted to speak candidly about her bulemia, her suicide attempts, and her husbands affair with Camilla Parker Bowles, and the treatment of Diana by the royal system.  Diana had asked for help in the early days. She had confronted Prince Charles about Camilla and been dismissed.  She had asked the Queen for advice on what to do about the Charles/Camilla situation and was merely told that 'Charles was hopeless'.  Diana was constantly told by servants close to the prince that Camilla was 'just a friend'. Her unhappiness and frustration was apparent many times but her behavior was passed on to the press by Buckingham Palace as being 'unstable'.   Diana felt her way was being blocked and her back was against the wall.  So her reasons for wanting this book was clear. 
     Diana: Her True Story was published in June of 1992 with much fanfare. Even though a lot of bookstores didn't carry the book initially, the ones that did carry it were sold out of the book by lunchtime.  There were even several calls to local police stations in London from these bookstores of theft of the much anticipated book of the princess' s view.  The monarchy would be happy to say that it was the most banned book in England of the 1990's. Once word that the book was being researched got to Buckingham Palace, Andrew Morton arrived to his office one morning to find that his office has been broken into and rifled thru.  There was even talk of locking Andrew Morton up in the Tower of London.  
     Most of the time, the princess dismissed her cooperation of the book.  "I really had nothing to do with that book being written," Diana would reply when asked.  This was a lie of course, but Diana had to have deniablilty. In truth, most of the facts of the book came from Diana herself, but friends and family were used as confirmation of said facts and had Diana's permission to do so.   
     It wasn't until after Diana passed away in 1997, that Andrew Morton was finally able to say that she was the 'Deep Throat' of the biography. He published a new version of the book with exclusive new material from Diana in 2017.

Guilty by Relation pt. 4

6th Session
     " When did you notice or how did you find out that your sisters didn't want you for family?" 
     " Well, it was 2016 when my 12 year old daughter came home from school with a huge lock of hair missing.  She had used school scissors to cut it off.  It had happened before but this was a much larger bit of her hair missing than before.  So we were very frustrated as to what to do with her.  It was so visible, no way to hide it at all.  We saw no other choice to make than to cut all her hair the same length.  She had cut it so short and close to her scalp that the rest of it had to match.  So unfortunately it was a buzz cut, like a military style cut.  As a means to explain it to my family because Easter was only a few weeks away, I took a picture and sent it to my parents and my sisters.  My younger sister was in hysterics.  'Why did you do this?' She looks absolutely awful!' We tried to help them understand what she had done, and what we had done in response.  But all my explanations were fruitless because the next day, I got a Social Services visit.  Inside, I was completely incredulous and flabbergasted that my sister had gone to such lengths.  I knew it was her, my sister. I kept my cool for the visit.  The social worker didn't deserve my frustrations.  But when she left, I called my sister up again and we went at it for two hours.  Nasty and loud. I was so upset because I thought she was trying to take my daughter away.  At the height of this conversation, she told me, 'None of us(speaking for Mom, Dad, and my older sister) wanted you in our family.' I went dead silent. I was shocked and stripped bare to my emotional core.  I don't remember what I said after that.  I was too much in shock. We must've ended our conversation soon after that.  We really haven't spoken of that since.  Its no 2020 and I'm 48 and my daughter's 15 years old.  We don't have holidays together anymore, we don't get invited Up North to my parents vacation house with other family anymore. We have to have separate get-togethers with my parents, because my sisters absolutely refuse.  
     " My gosh. I'm so sorry.  No wonder you are in such a state.  Our time is about up for today.  Have you been continuing with your writing?"
    " Yes, its right here.  I feel a lot better after I write. "
     " Good.  Could you please leave it with me? I want to look it over.  I'll give it back next time."
 

Guilty by Relation Pt. 3

5th Session
     "Last time you said that 'I guess they never really understood' in reference to your many different doctor appointments. What made you say that?
     " Well, its somewhat hard to tell because at the time my sisters never really said anything or asked me what it was all about.  They knew that I wasn't properly toilet-trained when I was younger as most children are at two, three, or four years old.  I came to live with them when I was almost seven. But they didn't really say anything, but they showed me a lot of  scorn and ignorance. You know how young kids can be like that. When I first got there, I was told I was sleeping  in my younger sister's room as they had another twin bed in there. So I got cleaned up and my younger sister had a full blown temper tantrum and yelling at my parents saying that she didn't want me in her room, completely disregarding me though I was standing right there witnessing the whole thing. 
     "My gosh." The therapist said with look to be on the verge of tears.
    "Then later it was divulged that most of my incontinence problems were psychological.  That came thru at about ten or eleven years old. So first my Mom and Dad started taking me to psychologists, every week without fail, as though it was my fault, like there was something about me that needed to be fixed and only a psychologist or some other mental health professional could do it.  Then the psychologist got to be too expensive, so they took me to a social worker.  They then found out that all I was doing was playing board games all the time with the the therapist. Mom and Dad were really angry with that. The therapist said that all I really needed was a friend.  Someone to listen to me and be completely open and objective.  Which made them even more angry because they felt they had spent all this money for nothing, in their opinion.  
     " What happened after that? Did they give up?"
     "They let it go for a few years.  They got me involved with soccer, jazz dance and ballet, which I liked a lot better. The incontinence still happened, but not as often.  
     "Were you disciplined by your parents?"
     "By my father, yes, definitely.  He obviously thought that it was completely gross and unbearable at ten years old. He would spank me and go out and buy baby diapers for me and put them on me.  Yell and scream and shout and make me stay in my room for the rest of the day.  He didn't understand how I couldn't just go to the bathroom when I felt the need to.  They knew I felt the need because that's what the urologists conclusions were.   It was the teaching that was missing, and now on top of that there was the obviously extreme disapproval of my father and everyone else.  
     "What about your Mom? Did she ever try to help?  I can't imagine that mother wouldn't try to help."
     " Yes, at that time she was my one and only saving angel in my family. I remember one summer growing up, I guess I was about eleven or twelve, Mom and Dad had adult friends over that had children of their own that were our age. It was the weekend and the evening after dinner and my sisters and the other kids wanted to go out and play Flashlight Hide and Seek.  My mom insisted on them taking me although none of them wanted me including my sisters. They reluctantly agreed even though I didn't really want to go because I knew my sisters would tease me. But I appreciated Mom's sentiment because no one else had it.  So I went to go and hide for the game and no one came to look for me.   I came out from my hiding place and I noticed them laughing and talking in a group walking down the street. When we all came home I got really angry at them and was yelling and crying, 'Why didn't you come and look for me?' and ran upstairs to my room.  The party ended and I was scolded by my father for being a spoil sport, ruining everyone's good time.  I was different.  I was always different from them.  Not caring about what others thought as much.  Where they cared a great deal about what everyone said or thought about them.  
     " So are you saying this sentiment has carried over the years.?"
      "Pretty much, yeah.  I remember starting high school and my older sister threatened me with a head-swirlie in the toilet on the first day of high school, explaining that it was a tradition and all incoming freshman HAD to do it. She really made me believe it too.  I was absolutely mortified and my sister laughed and laughed at my expression.  My mother overheard her saying it and got mad at her right at the breakfast table.   Where my sister corrected herself saying 'I'm not saying that I would do it, but somebody will.' Of course, nothing happened.  But I gained a small good bunch of friends in high school. 
     "Really? Something good to talk about here?"  The therapist smiled. 
    "Yes. It was during my sophomore year that my friend Diane came over during a massive freezing rain storm and had dinner with us.  My older sister was supposed to go on Spring Break to Florida the next day and they weren't sure that they were going to be able to get out of the airport because of the weather so she was in a bad mood.  Diane and I talked alot in my room and listened to music.  My older sister's room was next door.  My friend said that my family(mostly referencing my sisters) seemed not to care about me at all and that one day they would probably stab me in the back.  I feel bad for not listening to her because she came from a very close knit Irish Catholic family and it seemed like she was attacking my family. I tried to explain that there were good times too. She told me that I was like a battered wife that didn't know or understand that I was being abused. She was getting ready to leave, when my older sister asked to talk to her alone for a minute.  I don't know what was said but she absolutely refused to come to my house again.  I wanted her to be one of my bridesmaids at my wedding but my mother absolutely insisted that my sisters be my bridesmaids.   
     "Did it get better when you went to college?"
    "Sort of.  I always opened up more with my friends, or my husband or daughter.  I had a boyfriend in college that came from my hometown and one day he came over to meet my family and have dinner.. And when he left, I walked him to his car and as soon as we got out of the house he said, 'You are really different around your family! You get so quiet.'  Later, I realized it was because everyone in my family had always told me to 'Shut Up!' when I was around them.  
     " Okay.  You've revealed a lot today. I'm so proud of you.  Keep writing please.  But let's call it a day."
 

Guilty by Relation Pt. 2

3rd Session
     "It's good to see you again. Did you do any writing?"
     "Actually I did. When I was younger my mother told me that she thought it would be a good idea if I wrote things down like this. See, when i came to live with my aunt and uncle who I consider my parents, I would talk to anybody and everybody about my situation and how i came to live with them. I was then told by my mom to stop doing this because it created all kinds of drama for them and my sisters. All kinds of phone calls and apologizing and embarrassing conversations for them.  So my mom encouraged me to write them down.  But I was so young at the time and wasn't very good at expressing myself on paper.
     "And what did that lead to?"
    "Well, my parents thought that I needed to talk to someone, like a therapist or social worker, which is what it ended up being. My sisters seemed to think that this was just attention-seeking behavior. 
     "Didn't you also have a problem with incontinence? I think I also read that in your file."
    " Yes. It was more than that. I was not properly toilet trained."
     "Were you ridiculed? You were like seven years old, weren't you?"
    " Yes. By my sisters and kids at school. My father hated it, and didn't understand it.
     "Did your mother understand ?"
    " She understood better than my father did.  You see, she was a teacher before she married my father, so she is a more understanding person.  But this lead to more doctor visits, specialists, and my sisters invariably felt very jealous that made my feelings of inadequacy worse, which tends to make incontinence worse. And it did."
     "Okay. Now there's something else I'd like you to start doing and that is going for a walk. You're over 300 pounds, yes?
     "Yes."
     "Try and go out for a walk once a day if you can manage it."

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4th Session

     "Hello again. Were you able to do any walking this week?"
    "I went for a walk twice this week. I like to do it at night. I feel like I'm alone with God and my thoughts. Remember how it rained last night? I went walking right after that and it smelled so wonderful. 
     "Good. Try to do more when you get the chance. I'd like to see it happen once a day. But go at your own pace. So I was remembering what you said last time, and I was wondering, how did your parents know it was incontinence?
     "Well, I was taken to more doctors.  Mom and Dad wanted to make sure it wasn't a urinary tract infection, or anything else like that which could be fixed with medicine.  So many doctors. But in the end, everyone came to the conclusion that nothing was physically wrong with me.  It was mental and psychological.
     "You didn't notice your sisters were jealous?"
    "No. I was an only child with my natural parents so I didn't know how siblings act."
     "Would they try and hit you or . . . ?"
    "Nothing like that. But they sure would notice when I got special attention. Like 'Why does she get to leave school early?'
     "I see. How did you feel?"
     " Like they didn't understand. I barely understood myself.  I had never been to a specialist like a urologist before.  I thought that maybe this was common for kids or something.  But then why were my sisters behaving like that?  I was told not to worry about them.  Mom and Dad said that they would straighten them out and help them understand.  But I guess they never really understood. "
     "I'm so sorry about that.  We'll talk more next time."

 

Guilty by Relation

      "Your father has agreed to let us meet here at your house daily for your sessions.  There is no model, really. You can talk about whatever you feel like talking about. But we don't stop therapy until I think you're better.   Okay?"
      "Okay. I am so grateful to him for this.  It is a hassle and an added expense to be getting out and driving to your office.  So thank you for doing this.
     The therapist smiled.  "Your welcome. But the first thing I'd like to do is give you a hug. " The therapist stood up and moved towards the patient. 
    "Wow. Thank you."
     The therapist smiled. "It's alright. I think you need it."
     The patient and the therapist sat down again. 
    "Do you want some coffee or tea?" 
    "Not unless you want some."
    "No. I usually drink coffee in the morning. Tea in the evening before bed."

     The room became quiet.

     "What would you like to talk about? What is the biggest message going through your head right now?"
     "Mostly how stupid I feel, not to have noticed what has been going on with my own family.
     "Why do you feel stupid? What didn't you know?"
    "That my family never wanted me."
     "What do you mean 'they never wanted you'?"
    " I was six-and-a-half years old when I came to live with them.  My natural parents are my dad's sister and his brother-in-law, who have died now."
     "So they are your aunt and uncle?" 
    " Yes. Their daughters I consider as my sisters. I believe they are the ones who never wanted me.  Not my parents."
     " I see.  I'm so sorry. That must be awful. We'll talk more next time."

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2nd Session
    "Wow. Another hug?" The patient smiled and quietly chuckled
      "Yes. I'd like to start every session this way. It makes us both at ease, I think. I want you to feel that we're friends, and that you can trust me, because you can." 
     "And you're taping this, right?"
     "Yes, mostly for recollection later, for my memory, which can be bad.  Do you have any after thoughts, from when we spoke last?"
      "Mostly that my sisters were always trying to keep me from speaking out too much. I was always being told to 'shut up' and I was very hurt by that. But then again, I never heard my mother or father correct them, so I thought that everyone was in agreement. That I was being too loud or speaking out of turn, which I know I do, having ADD, but no one ever really tried to help me with the insecurities or feelings which come with it. Except my mother, who gave me a book about ADD, the history, the feelings that normally come with it. So it seemed like she would quietly support me in secret, sort of a feeling bad for me and trying to help me, but in public with my father and sisters she would feel compelled to not be on my side , and not stand up for me when they put me down, at least not in my presence.
     " How did you come to live with them?"
    "I came from a place of great poverty. My natural mother had been diagnosed with several mental illnesses when she was younger, manic depression, and schizophrenia, and the final consensus was schizophrenia and had been in several psychiatric hospitals in Michigan, wherever we were at. My natural father couldn't really afford anyplace for her and he wasn't schooled at all past high school so she kept going in and out when the funds would run out as they did and she'd have to leave. I think it was mostly the constant moving, my natural mother's mental health and always going into facilities and dealing with me as a small child was a hopeless situation for him and it came out as being unable to take proper care of me, or child neglect. 
      "What did your natural father do for a job?"
    "Most of the time I only remember him as a short-order cook," 
     "Alright then. That's all for today. But there's something I'd like you do to for me. Start writing these things down in a notebook of some sort.  It's all well and good to tell me these things but it will help you more to write them down. Alright?"
     "Okay"